Note: I'm thinking of submitting this for a Peace Corps published magazine, "Perspectives," that they have in Togo. Tell me if I'm full of shit or not.
I can’t speak for everyone but I have to say that the lack of a genuine French equivalent for the word “awkward” has been a matter of concern for me. The word itself is so all-encompassing of the interactions I have here with my Togolese counterparts (adults and especially children), Administration, and even other PCVs, the people I am closest to, who have only seen me in this extremely high pressure situation of Peace Corps in West Africa. We may have acclimated, ou bien, habitué-d to our environment here, but everybody deals and reacts with living and working in a foreign country differently. Me? I’m awkward. So. Awkward. Oh, hey, boutique-lady down the street. You’re telling me (something) about change for (something) I just bought at your store and then you’re going to just stand there and stare at me. Okay, maybe my français vraiment n’est pas encore arrivé, so I’m going to apologize profusely and rummage around in my purse until you start to laugh and say that you messed up on the proper change, hand me some coins, and walk away, still shaking your head and giggling. Or there’s walking down the street with a local guy when a kid runs out, stares at me and screams “YOVO YOVO!” On my own that’s usually fine. If I’m in a cordial mood I might say, “B yin Konjit” (“They call me Konjit”) to set the little bugger straight, or if not in such an expansive mood I might say “WHAT?” or “Yooooo!” and attempt a high-five. However when I’m with another Togolese there’s an awkward pause, the other person clearly wondering if they should let it be or start scolding the kid in Moba or French.
The closest word I can find for “awkward” is “maladroit” (also the name of a great Weezer album, yes). I use it all the time with the rationalization that I’m sure the person I’m speaking to will “get it,” which is usually my excuse for my spoken French overall. Volunteers with our 10 weeks of professional-grade language training probably get that it’s etymologically “mal à droit,” or “badly/poorly right.” So… “not right,” I guess, yeah, which would be an accurate way of describing many of my interactions here.
The most recent glaring example of maladroit in my life would come from a meeting I had with my homologue, the director of the CVD and some professional development official who’s from Lome. The villagers wanted latrines. Naturally. They also want a new CEG. Makes sense. We went over a list of eight items I thought I could help them with, but many of them involved money. I had explained to them going into this that I am not an NGO, I do not give money, and they assured me that they did understand this. However, they started giving me the names of NGOs and organizations that can give money, such as the Catholic Church in France. I asked them if they had already approached them for the money they need.
I could see the conversation circling about, with a lot of eye-rolling and sheepish glances to the ground. I fixed my smile in place and saw my foot start to jiggle faster and faster, waiting for the response I knew was coming yet still made it difficult to breathe. It finally got to the color of my skin. As a blanche, maybe I could push the NGOs a little more, make them work a little faster or more in my village’s favor. I’m sure my smile was crooked when I made no promises to these middle-aged men but assured them that we would try our best.
“Mal” as “badly” or even “wrongly,” “droit” as “right”: both of left versus right, and of the concept of rights. This was bad. This was badly, poorly, not “right.”
It is always funny to transliterate American English idioms. I am thinking "fish out of water" here. Also, gauche, the shortened version of maladroit. Yes, there is the obvious difference in races, but there is also the difference, the very important one, in provincialism versus worldliness. Though the natives are habitue to PCVs, most of them have no concept of the world outside their village or the marketplace/regional capital. They assume that because you are a white PCV, you DO have some concept of the outside world, and some ability to negotiate with it on their behalf.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds as though there is a little bit of "Philly politics" about the locals, as in the reason to hold public office (and PCV is a public office to them) is to dispense favors to your kin and other villagers, oui?
I saw Rob last night at the Wilmington Bluegrass jam, and he profusely complimented your writing. I told him that you came by the writing talent and dry wit honestly (x2 parents). I told Rob that through your writing, we are watching you grow up before our eyes.
Your comments beg the question, though, how do NGOs operate in places like Togo?